tour de france 2024: stage 6
by Rémy Rossi
Dipping into Dijon
Stage 6 of this year’s Tour finished in the Burgundy town of Dijon, where the traditional condiment received an pungent update back in 1856. Mustard has its roots in the late Middle Ages but got a facelift when Jean Naigeon of Dijon replaced the vinegar ingredient with verjuice, the acidic juice of unripe grapes. Earth-shattering, I know. But the adjustment had worldwide repercussions. And please don’t tell me you like that banana-yellow creamy crap that comes out of a squeeze bottle. If it’s not from a glass jar with fancy French branding (even if it’s not from France— newsflash, the mustard seeds likely come from Canada), I’m not slathering it on.
Nose-burning mustard
Similar to wasabi, strong mustard (not that Heinz crap) provides a nose-tingling spicyness. Love it or hate it, spicy mustard offers a unique dimension to foods as it lights up our sinuses. A bit of zest— in its many forms— is always worth it in my book. “Okay, I get the weak Dijon joke, but what do noses have to do with cycling?”
Interestingly, noses may be the most underrated body part in the sport. Noses are never talked about but they’re always doing the hard work: breathing. And in our VO2 max-obsessed modern age, oxigenation is one of the top-dog metrics. Unless you are an infamous mouth-breather or gaping pain-facer like Tommy Voekler, you’re probably breathing through your nose— well, at least that’s the recommended technique.
The snout scoop
For those out of the loop, Dylan Groenewegen’s special glasses are rocking an additional nose piece that almost fully coveres his schnoz. Cycling sunglasses are getting increasingly flashy but these shades go one step further. And if your thinking of those one-piece sunglasses that look like they’re out of a Cyclops X-Men comic book— the sunnies favored fellow sprinters Mark Cavendish and Jasper Philipsen— these ones are not that. Batman’s mask is a much more accurate analogy. Or maybe even the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. See last week’s face-protection mask worn by soccer star Kylian Mbappé, too.
The jury is still out on exactly what the hell these beak-equipped sunglasses are doing on Groenewegen’s face. I simply can’t see them offering any aero gains whatsoever. The sun-blocking properties don’t make sense either as the tip of your nose is still exposed— perhaps leading to a Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer situation. I can stomach the glasses if it’s for looks, though. There’s are few rules to fashion is you’re bold enough to try something controversial, and Groenewegen obviously has sufficient speed to silence the doubters. There’s a lot of pressure to conform to the guidelines of the peloton fashion police, but it’s fun when a rider rolls up with something different. But come on, these glasses are very unlikely to catch on.
Jasper the Disaster (again)
Jasper Philipsen was relegated for deviating off his line, an counter-productive habit of his. But we knew this. The decision from the race organizers is firm but fair, having relegating a sprinter the stage before and warning the riders before today’s stage. Jasper has the pace but needs to play nicer with his classmates if he has any chance of staying in the fight for the green jersey and an eventual stage win.
On second thought, I think there’s a time and place for low-quality, spurt-out-of-the-bottle-and-stain-your-shirt mustard. Ballpark dog anyone?
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